Show me love, show me love
by diablaa
Summary: The youngest Weasley has been longing all her life for affection. Not just by anyone, however, but by her bushy haired best friend. All she wants is her love. Hurt, friendship, love. Femmeslash HermioneGinny MATURE.
1. On repeat

My first fic.

Hope it's good enough for people to read. ; 3;

DISCLAIMER: J.K.R OWNS THEM.

I wish I did. v.v

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She was beautiful.

The light catching on her hair when I first saw her brought words to my mind that weren't even in my vocabulary at the time. I was too young. Too young to know why she appealed to me so. Too young to know what feelings my brother had when he was looking at her in that way. And too young to know what made my belly twist and my heart stop when she smiled. I remember I watched her from the top of the stairs, watched her talk and laugh with Ron and Harry, watched her cross her legs and be amazed by her elegance. I watched the way she tried to put her hair behind her ear but how it would all just spring out in a few minutes and she'd do it again. I remember that I was smiling too, grinning almost, at watching her, I found the annoyed faces she made at Ron's stupid comments and Harry's naivety amusing. She acted almost like their mother. And I know now that she thinks she is. A mother, out to protect them. Her first friends.

After she had left, I remember asking my brother who she was in an excited sort of childish way, I know I wasn't that young but she made me feel insignificant and small…but at the same time my mind was soaring and I couldn't figure out why I just wanted to know her. I wanted her to know me, and I wanted to shout out "Hey, you're beautiful! Tell me who you are and like me!" Now that I look back on it I feel stupid and wish I would have handled it differently, but that is only my easily embarrassed teenage side talking, and I know then whenever I talk to her I may still come off as childish, but that's only because she's so damn smart. But Ron, my bother, just thought I was high on sugar and said "Hermione."

Hermione.

Still to this day it's a name that rings through my body and makes me want to _have _her. To touch her and taste her, to make her want me. I'm older now, and Hogwarts is my location as I'm thinking about _her_, it's not very hard when she's laying behind me in her bunk fast asleep. I've seen her sleeping so many times that I know she looks peaceful, when she sleeps she has the aura that nothing could touch her, no worries or cares. No one can touch her. But I want to touch her so bad. Just touch her hair or brush her face with my fingers, just to let her know that I want her and I'll always be there for her. But she doesn't know I'm here. Because she's sleeping and when she's sleeping she's an angel. And normal people can't touch angels.

I shift my legs, I've been sitting on this window sill for the longest time, not moving. It seems like dinner was forever ago and I realize it was when I look at the clock. I chuckle quietly, time flies when you're reminiscing. I get up and stretch my athletic muscles pulling and releasing tension and I start to walk to my bunk, bare feet padding softly against the hardwood of our sleeping dormitories. I glance at her as I walk past, I always do. I can't help it. My amber eyes travel over her form, her wild curly hair, her silhouette, picking out where her well developed chest is, her hips, her.. I glance away quickly hopping into bed feeling too hot. I wanted her so bad. Pulling the blankets over my head I try to calm my body, the hormones raging through it are driving me fucking crazy! Pushing my red hair out of my face I turn onto my side and try to fill my head with thoughts of supper and my talk with Harry. That would do anything but turn me on.

He asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him. I remember I was so surprised I choked on my treacle tart. He looked nervous and I knew he wasn't joking and I.. wanted to die. Or shoot myself in the face. But I said yes anyway.. Maybe that would make Dean leave me alone. Dammnit that boys were the easiest to get a good time with, even while they're fucking me I think of Her. It's the only way I'll get off, and I'm pretty lucky that I don't scream out her name while I'm gripping the sheets and moaning. They think it's them. They think _they're_ good. Hah! It's funny that all my thoughts return to her, how her face and laugh just swirl around in my brain like fog in the Quiddich field. I sigh and cuddle into the blankets, thinking about her face until finally feeling sleep on the edge of my brain. Even then she doesn't leave me she just welcomes sleep in like a roommate, saying "This is my home, so you'll have to share.". But sleep already knows, it knows she's been in my brain since I was 11 and it knows to bring it's own toothbrush.

"_Ginny.. Open your legs." Hermione commands against the redheads ear. Their skin was sweaty and bare and Ginny did what she was told, wanting Hermione so bad it was aching and her heart was pounding against her ribcage. So she pushed her breasts against Hermione's, body language saying 'I'm yours, I'm yours'. Hermione kissed the redheads neck and slid down her body, kissing the nipples, the belly, the inside of the pale thighs, and as Ginny mewed and writhed gently she breathed on the aching place between her legs, smiling down on the fine ginger hair there. Ginny moaned softly at the look Hermione had on her face, wanting her to do it, she could feel herself becoming more wet and was a little self conscience. The brunette chuckles and kissed the hair before running her tongue between the lips, tasting her, showing her want. Ginny gasped and curled her toes "'Mione.." she breathed softly. Hermione licked her and kissed her, wanting her to feel ecstasy and feeling her own at Ginny's moaning. The redhead arched her back gripped the sheets, sweaty and on fire, her body was about to explode. She knew she didn't have long and she knew that Hermione knew it too. Hermione squeezed one of Ginny's legs, her other had hand moved between her own legs touching herself, getting off on the taste of Ginny, the smell of her, the look of her… Ginny's eyes went wide and she tensed and cried out closing her legs around the brunette's head unintentionally, almost as if she wanted to keep her there forever. Hermione chuckled huskily into Ginny, licking out the fluids that had hit her tongue and bit the inside of Ginny's thigh as she came too with a small "Hnnn..!" Panting, she crawled up Ginny's ragged, huffing and sweaty body and pulled Ginny on top of her, panting together. They laid there, in bliss and perfect happiness._

I awoke from the dream in the morning, sweaty and in need. I could hear the other girls mingling with the voices of the guys in the common room and I was glad for the peace. As I sat up and exhaled, I was suddenly aware of another presence and looked over. Hermione was looking at me from a book, a sort of half smile and a funny blush on her face. I could feel at that instant when my insides mewed at how adorable she was. "Morning." I say lazily, with a yawn while inside my mind is screaming at her smile.

"Good morning, Ginny." She says with another smile putting her book down, "Just heading to the library. We have history homework you know." she added with that Know-it-all-tone that drove me crazy with anything but annoyance, but still I sigh. I had forgotten. As I pull my body from bed I'm acutely aware of the aching in my thighs and stomach, my body oversensitive to her watching me. Her brown eyes lighting my body on fire like a torch and I just wanted her to touch me. But instead of turning to her I walked quickly to the showers, needing one badly from all the sweating I probably did that night. I stripped down, my body rippling from the sudden rush of cold and I stood under the hot water, thinking about my dream. It's not the best I've had, but anything is better than what I _haven't_ had. I haven't had her for real. She's never even seen me naked. Not that she'd want to. But I wanted to see _her._ she never showered in the main shower. She used the prefect bathrooms and I was alone. I had a tendency to sleep in, especially on days where we don't have classes in the morning so everyone else was downstairs getting homework done or in the great hall, eating breakfast. And I was alone. But then I wasn't. I imagined that Hermione was in the shower with me, holding me from behind, her full breasts against my back and her wet hair cascading over my shoulder. I imagined that we were happy together and nothing else in the world could be better. I imagine her reaching around me and sliding her hand down my stomach and to where I want her…

Dressed and ready, I walked to potions with Lavender and Parvati. Lavender was still mad at me for me sleeping with Dean but I ignored her and just listened to Parvati go on about boys, and OMG how DARE Pansy have the same shirt as her! And more stuff of that nature. Scratch that, I ignored her too. I sat at the back of the row with them, directly behind Ron, Harry, and Hermione. I watched the back of her head. She had wonderful hair, it was almost as if she was so full of life that it made a home in her curly hair as well. Unlike mine, which was straight and flat and people could tell just what family I came from by looking at the color. Sometimes I just want to go far away. And take Hermione with me, she could go to Bouxbattons, she'd be pretty enough. And I'll be continue in a regular school and become an auror or pursue my talent in Quiddich. Anything as long as I'm with her and away. But I watched as she brushed her shoulder with Ron's, as they gazed intimately at each other without even realizing… But I understood. And it hurt. I was surprised how the pain hadn't dulled yet although I've watched this everyday, in class, at meals when all of us our hanging out.. I watch them falling in love and I just want to scream "HEY! STOP! What about me? What about me..?" I've cried myself to sleep countless nights over this situation.. No.. It wasn't a situation. It was an inevitability. And there was nothing I could do but watch and hurt. And keep living and learning and fucking boys pretending they were her. As sick as that is.

Class ended with Snape hurrying us out like an enraged bat, I would have laughed but I was hurting too badly to really notice as I put away my cauldron and debated on walking to the great hall for lunch. In the end I decided on just going back up to my room, I needed a nap or a space.. Space from her… But I could never have space from her, my body seemed hypersensitive to her very being in the school. It tickled and flooded my senses and her smell and soul filled my pores until she was inside of me… But instead of a feeling of pleasure it was an ache.. Because I knew she wasn't really with me. She didn't know what she did to me and I doubted she cared.. I'm the wrong Weasley. I'm not Ron. Ron and his stupid penis. Stupid, stupid Ron.. I hate him at this moment.. For taking away the only think I've ever wanted.. For being the only thing she wants.

I was suddenly aware I wasn't alone, and when I looked out from my four poster bed a saw a beautiful woman. With frizzy curly brown hair and deep brown eyes that could trap your mind and hold it, telling it stories and promises of courage and confidence and I died a little inside. She was looking at me. She was looking at _me_.

"Hello Ginny. You don't mind if I keep you company? Harry and Ron are being absolutely _irritating."_ She giggles almost awkwardly as if we weren't almost best friends. I smile, trying to act nonchalant."Yeah, go ahead, I was feeling pretty lonely anyway." I clear room for her beside my bed so she could lean against it. So I could smell her. My eyes followed her form into a cross-legged position and I smiled softly again wanting to touch her hair and tell her she has beautiful legs."Did you understand today's potion? Harry and Ron were absolutely useless! I did everything for them.. Of course." She sighed exasperatingly. "Of course." I added in agreement, not sure of what she wanted me to say to her.

"..So.. Ginny.. You said yes to Harry? I'm so happy for you. You finally got what you wanted." She smiles brightly and my heart wasn't sure to sink or explode, but I pulled on an expression that I tried to make look like excitement."I'm surprised he even asked me.. You know how he is.. I thought he liked Cho. But I guess." Giving a lazy shrug, I flick a strand of my long hair behind my shoulder and recline, "I never figured he would ask me."

A small snort resounded in the room, and she looked up at me with those glistening hazel eyes."Are you kidding, Ginerva? You're a perfect specimen of what a male would want. _Especially _Harry_. _Everything will be fine, he adores you." That's what I was afraid of.

Wiping blood my nose I grip my broom tightly in one hand, anger burning through my veins. Temper high. I hated Slytherins in their whole entirety. Storming up to the change rooms the rain sloshed in my boots, I was soaked to the bone on top of everything and braids were stiff with water. I was pretty sure it would be a nightmare getting my goggles out. I pushed the door open angrily, face a snarl and crashed into a warm body, falling on my ass. About to protest, I froze, staring into the amused eyes of my best friend."Ginny! Look at you. You look like a bat out of hell!" She gave little snorting giggles, giddy despite the weather, my mood and Griffindor's crippling loss. _Don't you ever get lonely..?_

"Yeah, yeah.. Thanks a lot.." Sourly I stood, holding a gloved hand out to help her up. We walked side by side to the lockers where I stripped down, too grumpy to be self conscious around her. Hermione walked and grabbed a towel, helping to dry my hair. It was a scene I look back on, if I hadn't been so miserable I would have noticed the closeness, the care she took to squeezing the water gently from my hair, the intimacy

.. _Hermione.. Don't you ever get lonely..?_

Changed and dry, we sat together on the bench by the lockers. She talked about her day, her homework, her studies. Her voice rising to a staccato when she was excited, her cheeks becoming red. Her voice lowering to a disapproving tone when talking about the boys. I hung to every word, watched every expression, heard every echoing note that came from those soft full lips. I smiled, laughed, and grew excited with her, nodded disapproval of my brother with her. It was hours before Professor McGonagal came to shoo us out, scolding Hermione for knowing better. We walked side by side in the rain to the castle, still talking, still laughing, still being best friends. We brushed each others hair as we got ready for bed, still laughing and telling stories. Laying in my bed long after midnight, I couldn't pull the smile off of my face. I cuddled in my blankets remembering what she had told me, how close we had been. I heard a shuffle, and the sound of someone rising from their bed, my breath quieted. I felt the bed lower as someone kneeled, then the warmth as the pressed themselves against my back. My breath hitched now, her scent filled my head. "_Moine_'..?" I could feel her smile, and I was too shocked to say anything more. We lay in silence for what felt like forever before I slipped into a comfortable sleep. Her hand around my hips and her incredible warmth at my back.

In the morning I felt cold, I shivered and looked around. I had slept in again, and I was alone. It must have been another dream. Sighing solemnly, I stood, raking my fingers through my long knotted hair. The dormitories were particularly cold that morning and like a de-ja-vu, I could hear the girls downstairs talking in the common room. It was like my life was a skipping record, or on repeat. The same sounds, same feelings, same longings, same loneliness. Little did I know that this day would change everything, that this day would break the pattern my life had fallen in.


	2. How unlucky, Ginger

Second chapter, if that wasn't clearly stated already.

The whole "writing your own fanfic" thing takes a lot of work!

Thanks for all the reviews and means a lot to me!

**DISCLAIMER:** Still don't own Ginny, poor me.

J.K.R., LIKE A BOSS.

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Defence against the dark arts was, like Harry, my favourite and best class. I tried, I had fun, and I succeeded. Even with the curse of the switching teachers.I was excited because we were doing Baggarts again today. I missed my turn when Professor Lupin ended the class because of Harry's.. Dementor problems. It wasn't his fault, Dementor's scare the shit out of anyone. Those were my thoughts as I walked into the classroom and sat at my table beside Parvati and Lavender. Apparently, Lavender is crushing hard on Ron. I couldn't help that little flit of hope enter my heart, that maybe, just maybe she would steal him from Hermione. And I, Ginny Weasley, would be there to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, and hopefully find a solid place inside. I smiled at the thought of this while we formed a line in front of the tall wardrobe that shook dangerously. I wanted to prove I could do this, and I knew Hermione would be proud.

I could see her hair, today it was in perfect ringlets and had just enough wildness to make her look pretty and ambitious. She was standing before the wardrobe, wand before her. She was ready and I knew she would do so well. She always did. It was something that made her her, intelligence. It's something she _knew_ she had, and I was glad for it, as she would never think she was pretty, beautiful even. Atleast to me.  
I wondered what her boggart would turn into, maybe a test paper marked F-. I'm sure she would cry if it did, she was so brave, but God forbid is she ever failed a test. I feel sorry for the professor who would have to face her wrath.

The wardrobe opened.  
It shifted, the sight of Ron bleeding and sobbing took its place and another crack marked the insides of my heart as she spoke with unwavering confidence,

"Riddikulus!"

My ribs ached, but no tears assaulted my eyes. I stopped crying long ago, my tears ended a year after I was released from the Chamber of Secrets. It seemed sobbing from night terrors ran me dry, that and being alone. No point in pitying yourself if there's no one to rub your back and tell you it's all going to be alright. Raising my wand, I gripped it tightly, waiting for the giant jerking box to be opened.  
What was I afraid of?

Voldemort? _Yes._

The death of a family member? _Definitely._

But was it enough?

With a click I awaited in silence through the moment it took for the boggart to read me. I felt my chest constrict and my throat lump, dizziness spreading through me.  
Hermione walked from the wardrobe, she was glaring at me. Loathing me. Her gaze poisoned my blood, it burned and tears prickled at my eyes. A moment passed as her eyes crush my will and hope completely.

I guess this deserved waterworks. "No.."

"Riddi.. Riddikulus!" I forced the word passed my swollen throat and swallowed thickly as the horror before me turned into a golden snitch with giant red lips, making kissy faces at the class. No one was laughing.

I didn't want to look around, I could feel their stares. Their silence. I heard her shocked voice,

"Gin-" I didn't look at her, I just ran. I ran into the school yard and hid somewhere by Hagrid's humble hut, my breath came in harsh gasps and tears burned down my cheeks and in my eyes. Truth was, I was just as shocked as they were. Shocked that my heart would be betray me like that. I thought I would live the rest of my life with this secret on my chest.

I would have faced a hundred Voldemort's to have never seen her face look at me like that. It burned in my brain and I hugged my knees to my chest, my breaths forcing themselves from me. I don't want to cry.

That rejection.. That _hate._

_Hermione.. I 'm sorry._

How could I face her, face anyone? They're probably confused.. They probably won't fully understand..

Just a dirty look.

Just my desperate escape.

Negative emotion surging through me, I slammed my fists hard onto the ground. No one knew how angry I was all the time.  
No one knew that my body was a vessel for rage, hate and lonliness. It's always, Ginny's so calm, she's so nice, confident, pretty, fun, cool, laid back.

I don't know that Ginny.

I wish I did, maybe Hermione would like her better.  
Because she's friends with that Ginny, she knows that Ginny. I could bever truly be myself around her, never bring out the real _me.  
_because being myself would be a very ugly thing.

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I spent the rest of the day in the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey treated me with a sleep draught potion and I slept the day away dreamlessly, nightmare free.  
They ate without me. Hermione went to bed without us exchanging, "Good night's" and "Sweet dream's".  
But I didn't know.  
I just slept on, and God did I need it.

Someone else needed a sleep draught that night, as she stared at the ceiling, thinking and wondering to herself what happened, and where was she, where did she run to and why? Why? What happened? What's going to happen? We need to talk. I need to talk to her. Where is she?

But I didn't know.

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Oh yes, I know it's shorter than the other chapter.  
BUTWHATEVER.

thanks everyone!


	3. The floor's still freezin'

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Yo.

Chapter three, 'cause I was bored, eager and people asked me to update RIGHT AWAY ; 3;  
Thank you to all who have Reviewed, Fav'd and subscribed.

IT MEANS A LOT TO ME.

**DISCLAIMER:** J.K.R owns them. not me not me not me not me not meee.

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I wish I could stay here forever.  
Just so that I would never have to face all the questions.

I'll say I was sick, I needed to puke and when I saw my fear of my _best friend _hating me I couldn't keep breakfast down. That would work, wouldn't it?  
My mind scrambled as I stayed in the comfort of my claimed infirmary bed. The sun shone with a comfortable glow on my blanketed body and everything seemed quiet and peaceful, undaunted by the war of emotions and problems crashing around in my brain. I wish it would quiet down for a moment so I could enjoy the silence around me. But I never get what I want, and today wasn't going to change that fact. Summoning up all of that Gryffindor bravery I decided I should haul my ass up out of bed and face the mess I made.

I thanked Madam Pomfrey for everything and slipped on my shoes, walking to the door I take a deep breath. I would head for the Gryffindor tower, and if I was lucky, everyone would be  
eating breakfast and I would dodge that bullet for now. Please, let me have a little luck. Opening the portrait, I realized that lady luck didn't really fancy me. Sure, the common room was quiet, free from the squealing girls, the laughter of boys, the shifting and the stuffiness of collective breathing, but I still had the worst possible luck anyone could ever have.

_Hermione._

_--x_

_Her hazel eyes bore into me, I felt the air push out of my lungs as she stood and walked over to me with a determined stride, she looked so fierce. I didn't know what to expect. Definitely not her thrusting her body against mine in a tight hug, it was almost smothering me and it she vibrated with relief, worry, questions. I hugged her back weakly, my mind slow and sluggish, the scent of her hair in my face, filling my body with her.  
_

_"What's going on with you, Gin?" Her voice was soft, but raw with concern, and I couldn't help the sob that jerked my body, or the tears that found their way into her hair, on her shoulder, "Why won't you let me in..?" She sounded pained._

And I realize now, she knows the existence of the real me. She wants to know me. She wants to..Her soft lips burned on mine as I held her to me and showed her what was going on with me. Showed her what I have always wanted, showed her everything I had ever longed_ for. I have dreamed of this moment forever, but my body didn't know it would feel this good. Her lips moved against mine now, she was taking control, pushing me against the portrait, holding my hips, hands in my hair, down my sides, my thighs, too many places, too much. Her knee wedged between my legs and bumped up against me. I whined into her mouth as a dull pleasure vibrated in my skirt. I pulled at the fabric on her back, tangled fingers in her wild beautiful hair. I want this, I want this. And now I know, she did too._

_--x_

My forehead burned, the light in my eyelids was red, it exploded in my brain. I was sweating, but chills wracked my body. Fever, sickness, Hermione. Hermione. Hermione. Was it real..? Was it..? Please.. I can't take another empty wet dream. My feet were freezing, and slowly I was becoming aware of my surroundings. Infirmary, again. Murmuring voices, soft, feminine. Concern. I was laying on my side, so I pulled my legs up to my chest, the fetal position. My comfort zone.

"Is she awake..? She looks so.. _Pale_." Concern.

"She'll be fine, a few good night's sleep and a couple more of my potions and she'll be alright." Reassurance.

A sigh. Relief, sadness. A warm hand on mine, holding my fingers gently, like they would break if they were held onto tighter. I opened my eyes in a pained way, trying to clear the blurring from my vision.

Hermione.

"What am I doing here..?" Everything was broken images and feelings. Nervousness, pleasure. Pleasure. Love. Everything out on the table. Was it for real?

"We were in the common room.. We were.. Er… then you.. Just fell. Oh it was _horrible._" Sighing deeply, she pushed my bangs from my face and leaned in, placing a brushing kiss on my forehead. "Oh Ginny.."

Oh. _Oh_..

A warmth spread through my body, and I suddenly felt lighter. Nothing mattered anymore. I was untouchable. Tears swelled in my eyes, tears of happiness, of the years of suppression and hurt and that I was so.. I so deserved this. I deserved her. I would take care of her, and be there for her in a way Ron never could. I won't hurt her like Ron did everyday."Hermione.."

Tears sliding into my hair I pulled her down to me, hugging her, chest heaving with emotion. With love for her. With _love. _"Fucking _Merlin_.."

She stroked my hair and gave a watery smile, relief and happiness and confusion flashing in beautiful hazel eyes."Ginny.." She said quite sternly, and I froze, looking at her, "No one must know what we did.. It has to be a secret.. Please."

I let my body slacken against the bed, was she saying.. It was a mistake? A mistake she regrets.. She's trying to bury it. Make sure no one knows, and it never happens again. Fuck. Fuck.. Fuck.. FUCK. My face goes into a smooth mask of calmness I have mastered to hide pain.

"Of course.. I'm sorry. I won't tell anyone." I tried to flash a smile for effect, but I was sure it was a grimace.

She seemed to be struggling with herself, twisting her hands nervously. She opened her mouth a couple of times to say something, then shut it each time after a few moments of this, she finally opted on a:

"I need to start my essay, I suggest you work on it when you're better or Snape will be disappointed." And with that, she left. Left me with the ultimate rejection. I felt numb. What.. What just happened? I just stared into an empty space in front of me, tears sliding unnoticed from my eyes. My ribs ached with every inhale, but I felt nothing. _Nothing_.

_You will never wait for me._

_

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An end to another _exciting_ chapter.  
Oh Hermione, you're so cruel. SO CRUEL.

Sorry if it seems short.. It was 4 pages on word!  
But remember, it's not about the length, but the content!

*shot*

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	4. Butterbeer and Bathroom stalls

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Update, update, update.

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Hope you guys like it.

I LIKE ALL THE REVIEWS, they're awesome.  
Like, I like how they're not all "I like it."  
But actually engaging, awesome comments.  
thankyouthankyou.

**DISCLAIMER:** J.K.R ftw

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Questioning Madam Pomfrey, I found out my fever was caused by a cold and stress. She didn't know the half of it. The cold must have been from playing Quiddich in the rain a few nights ago and getting totally soaked. The stress, well. That's self explanatory.

My mind and body were still numb. My nose was running a little, so the silence of the dormitory was broken by my occasional weak sniffs. I was skipping classes again today, I promised myself It was the last time but really, at this point I couldn't promise myself anything.

I planned to talk to Harry today at supper, tell him that despite my sudden cold I would go with him to Hogsmeade and we could have great awesome fun. Without Hermione. 'Cause she could suck it.

My excuse is that I'm hurting, so it's okay to be immature.

In all honesty, I didn't feel that hurt. I didn't feel Hermione. Aftershock, maybe. All I felt was how soft her lips were, how they had a delicious spice to them that tingled pleasantly. She was wild. I guess that's why people tell you to beware of unpredictable things, you'll probably get stung.

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Getting up from my bed, I changed into jeans and a big cushy jumper that my Mom had knit me for Christmas. It was deep sage green with a big red capitol 'G' on the chest. Ugly, yes. But damn was it warm. Got to love Mom.

Curling up on the couch in front of the fire in the Common room, my thoughts curled around the back music of the Fat Lady's Opera singing. I didn't have the energy to cringe, I suddenly felt unbelievably tired. Emotionally drained.

I wish I could forget her.. Just.. Wake up and not care anymore. Not feel anything for her. But forgetting those hazel eyes and that confident smile was turning out to be a truly challenging thing.

You'd think this would be the last straw, but I felt more attached to her. Like a woman in an abusive relationship, no matter how many times I'm beaten, I just crawl back to her, wanting to be loved, wanting to please her, swearing this time it will be different.

I want to please her. But apparently, I can't, so I must pretend nothing happened. I'll start seeing Harry, make him happy. I know he wants me. It's the only thing in my life of which I'm absolutely sure.

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It was raining the morning of Hogsmeade, and I stuck to Harry's side for warmth. He had his arm around me bravely and we smiled, laughed and talked. He kept blushing whenever my hair would touch his hand, or I'd rub my hip against his while we were walking.

I had ignored Hermione all week, everyone asked questions. My story was that I was sick the day of the Boggart and after, me and Hermione, as _best friends_ had a conflict of interest. They seemed to trust that, and wished me , however tried to talk to me at every opportunity. I just wouldn't have it. I have given her the time of day all my life, and the moment I _really_ needed her she rejected me with the utmost cruelty. I would have understood completely had she pushed me away. But she kissed back. _She kissed back_. And that was something I _could not _forgive with a sorry and a little talk.

I know I may be acting immature, but honestly, desperately, I don't know what else to do. I don't know where to go from here. What actions to take.

Everything before was on autopilot; _Hermione, nightmares, Hermione, a wet dream, Hermione._

Now, it was just, _Rejection, confusion, hopelessness._

Harry was speaking.

"Ginny? Lets go to 'Three Broomsticks and get a butterbeer." He smiled shyly, he was happy. I could tell. My heart sank but I smile, sliding my small hand into his larger calloused one. He smiles and blushes again, his unruly black hair dancing around his head. I felt nothing.

As we sat in the low light of the pub, I felt a shiver skitter across my skin as Harry's body left mine to sit across from me. Looking around, I wondered where Ron was, or where Harry had told Ron to be so he wouldn't bother us. Because Ron meant Hermione, and that was the last thing I wanted. But my questions were answered as I saw Ron stumble passed the pub's window, trying to suck off Lavender's face.

Huh. I felt a sort of ache for Hermione, she would probably be insanely jealous. But another part of me laughed, and felt pleasure at her possible pain. It was that part that was making me feel like a terrible, terrible person.

Butterbeer with Harry was an unsurprisingly, less-than-satisfactory activity. Even when he was talking about Quiddich, and how well I could handle a broom. He didn't have the melodic rise and fall of his voice that appealed to me. To what I was looking for, but I talked with him, and laughed, and smiled, and flirted, and played my part as a young hormonal girl who's pretended to like him all my life very well. He blushed and smiled and swelled with flattery and self confidence. I'm a terrible, terrible person.

I found my mind drifting a lot, back to the common room. Back to last night. Her lips. Her thigh rubbing against my.. Oh. I crossed my legs and squeezed as an ache spread between my legs. Merlin, what that lady could do to me. That spiteful, cruel lady. Still, I found it exceedingly difficult to hate her. I tried and tried. But my heart was true to her character, a stubborn short-tempered bitch. I felt the heat rise to my face as more thoughts of what would have happened after flooded into my mind. Oh..

"Um.. Harry? I'll be right back.. I need to go.. To the bathroom. Really bad." I stood quickly without a response from him, he looked taken aback.

"Er.. Yeah. Okay." Nodding he watched me nearly run to the bathroom. I lock myself in a stall and lean against the wall of it, pulling up my skirt and pulling down my dampening panties around my thighs. _Merlin.._

With a deep breath my hand wanders between my thighs and touches the fine moist Ginger hair there. Tilting my head back and closing my eyes, I imaged Hermione as I stroked myself in a small circular motion, my knees bending and legs parting more.

"Ah.. " Biting my lip, I stifle something louder. I didn't want anyone to hear me. My body began heating up, and sweat peaked on my forehead and in my cleavage. I could feel the ache building in my belly and I moved harder against myself, hips rocking. Hermione. Breathe. Breathe. Just breathe.. A moan. A whine. I can feel it.. Almost there..

Dripping around my fingers I rubbed my clit senselessly, needing it. Needing a jerk, a felt the pleasure explode in my lower half, biting my lip till it swelled, I tried to stroke out my orgasm but it was difficult with all the feeling. My head went fuzzy and my hearing faded. Panting I pulled up my underwear and sat on the toilet seat, unsteady, knees weak.

_Hermione.. Hermione.._

-----------------------------------------------------x

Panting, she sat on her bed and waited for the tingling in her toes to stop, unsteady, knees weak.

_Ginny.. Ginny.._

_

* * *

_

CAN YOU DIG IT?  
I enjoyed writing this chapter.  
Hopefully you all do too.

=3

* * *


	5. Sorry, sorry, kiss me

Sorry..

It's been like, four months.

work, work, laptop died, work.

I actually sincerely apologize.

* * *

Watching the disappointment in Harry's face when I told him I was heading back to the school wasn't the hard part. The hard part was knowing I was relieved to get away from him, and

knowing that I was going to hurt him. The hard part wasn't knowing I was a terrible person, the hard part was knowing that being this terrible person didn't just hurt me, it hurt everyone

around me. For I had wove this twisted web in my bitterness against my feelings, a web that caught all those people I would never in a million years want to see cry. The hard part was

knowing that one day, I would be alone. And the people I had loved, and hurt and pushed away, would have finally come to know the Ginny inside. The Ginny that I hate. So. Much.

I remember this.. lullaby that my mother would sing to me in her sweet and soft, but assured voice. She was assured of her love for me, her little girl. I was assured too, at such a

dependable age that this woman was my whole world, and I knew she loved me. Nothing else mattered. And now, as I walked up the beautiful, ( I never really noticed how beautiful they

were) staircase to the girls' dormitories I heard the words, the sweet melody, and I began to cry, and rush for it, because I needed the assurance.

Her voice was sweet, sweeter even than my mothers. And I couldn't help but throw myself at her feet, my head into her lap and cry. She was surprised at first, but soon her gentle fingers

were stroking my hair and her voice sounded softer still, but she was singing to me this time and I didn't hear the words, just her voice.

Hermione.

_Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,_

_Smiles await you when you rise._

_Sleep,_

_Pretty baby,_

_Do not cry,_

_And I'll sing you a lullaby._

_Care you know not,_

_Therefore sleep,_

_While I o'er you watch do keep,_

_Sleep,_

_Pretty darling,_

_Do not cry,_

_And I will sing a lullaby._

I needed her now, I didn't care if I was risking everything, I just needed her to know everything. It was crucial to me, because I felt as though.. as though if I didn't lay it all out for her

now, I would disappear into this person that I hated, and I would never know the end of suffering. Even if she turned me down, it would be better than that. I swear.

"Hermione.." My voice but a whisper, it sounded hoarse and unnatural interrupting hers. Her voice paused as did the fingers in my hair.

"I want you to know something.. that I've been keeping inside for a long time..

* * *

"_Her laugh echoed and tickled my senses, it was not what I expected and I looked up at her with half a mind to start yelling, but her soft amused expression paused my angry words and cooled my temper._

"_What?" Self consciousness and uncertainty washed over me and I couldn't help but blush."How stupid do you think I am, Ginerva? Honestly." Smoothing my hair out over my head she took my wet face in her hands and smiled, a sad, heart wrenching smile._

"_I've known.. and I know I've been hurting you. I've been watching you fall farther and farther to rock bottom, unable.. or rather, unwilling to stop you. It's been hurting me too… knowing your self _

_destruction is entirely my fault.. yet.. still.. there's been a reason.. a driving force to why I have not picked you up off the floor and held you to my chest. Why I have not saved you.." She sighs, _

_and my vision blurs again as I clear my throat._

"_Tell me why.. " My voice was thick, the verge of desperate as I clung to her sweater with a weak white-knuckled grip, the last of my strength, "_Please_.. tell me why."_

_Her lips were tight and her beautiful hazel eyes sad as she muttered one thing."Harry." _

_I mouthed his name and looked up at her, and I half understood, now, why she pushed me away that night in the common room. It wasn't out of rejection, or disgust.. it was out of her _

_indestructible maternal loyalty, her unmoving promise to herself to protect Harry. But I, in all my stubbornness needed for her to say it. Needed for her to explain it thoroughly._

"_You know what lays ahead of Harry.. everyone does.. and yet.. he won't accept help from anyone. He pushes everyone in his life away, because he knows that he might not make it out of his _

_destiny alive. Everyone but you Ginny.. he loves you. He needs you. And I.. I would not be able to stand being the reason he can't have you. I hate it even now, these feelings we have for each _

_other.. hate it and love it.. but it's not fair to him. That's why I can never act on them, do you understand now? I would never want to hurt him.. and for that reason.. I can bury these feelings.. _

_and.. you need to too. I know it's hard.. and it will continue to be.. but for Harry's sake.. and the sake of the Wizarding world.. You need to be the one who saves him from himself."_

_Her words became a jumbled mess on my brain, the heartache setting in and stiffening my chest. But I understood. And as I pulled myself up off the ground and straddled her lap, I was burying _

_my feelings, and as I kissed her, I was burying my feelings, and as I rocked my hips against her and we fell against the bed, I was burying my feelings._

_

* * *

  
_

"Can you really ignore this Hermione..?" I mumbled to her, sweaty and pressed against her, "Can you really ignore _this_?" She gasped as I moved her fingers to touch me. "No one makes

me wet like that.."

Her stare bored into my eyes with an intensity as her fingers began to move, and I shifted and stifled a moan, my body responding strongly to her. My hips began to rock with her

movements and soon I clung to her and was moaning her name over and over. This was what I wanted, I wanted her. Like this. Every night. For the rest of my life.

The next day was a continuation of rainy weather, chilly winds, and miserable, dreary moods. But I however, was in a surprisingly good one. Between sneaking secret glances at Hermione

and remembering last night, I was downright giddy. But her mood was foul. She regretted it I know. If only for Harry's sake, but I wouldn't let that dampen this floaty feeling I had ever

since I woke up pressed against her. But I think we both knew that we wouldn't be able to bury this, especially now. Especially when we're currently lying naked under the warmth of the

blanket.

I have /never/ felt more complete.

I replayed the conversation that led to this. I knew Hermione had been trying so hard to be strong. For me, for her, and for Harry. But now she looked so fragile, all of her shields had been

put down as she slept, loosely holding me. I belonged to her. Although my heart ached every time I think of Harry I can't help but defend my feelings selfishly. I need her. And if she felt

the same way as I did about her, she shouldn't have to share me.

* * *

When we went to class she was awkward but calm choosing to act as if nothing happened, though she didn't act like it was a mistake. For this I was glad. As for me, I was almost all

smiles, she shot me a disapproving glances and I just grinned at her. Just grinned. Harry and I walked together during a spare period and we sat by the lake. Him, dodging crumpled

pieces of parchment I threw at him, me, laughing and almost in tears as he made noises of protest and suffering.

He may not have my heart, but he definitely had my undying friendship. Definitely.

I wondered.. If that was enough for him.

I hoped it was.

* * *

Thanks guys. Tell me what you think.  
Sorry if it's shit.


	6. Wasn't enough

And updaaate. =)  
Sorry there's such big gaps in between.  
I'm so incredibly busy.

I decided that in the beginning of my new chapters I'm going to add the end of the last chapter, just to refresh memories.

* * *

_When we went to class she was awkward but calm choosing to act as if nothing happened, though she didn't act like it was a mistake. For this I was glad. As for me, I was almost all smiles, she shot me a disapproving glances and I just grinned at her. Just grinned. Harry and I walked together during a spare period and we sat by the lake. Him, dodging crumpled pieces of parchment I threw at him, me, laughing and almost in tears as he made noises of protest and suffering. He may not have my heart, but he definitely had my undying friendship. _

_Definitely._

_I wondered.. If that was enough for him._

_I hoped it was_.

* * *

I guess it wasn't.

This is something I should have expected I guess. Maybe I was too caught up in my thoughts of Hermione to notice, or maybe I just didn't pay that much attention to him but, I was completely and utterly taken off guard when I felt his lips against mine.

Harry was kissing me.

For a few moments I just couldn't do anything but blink. That was how surprised I was. When he pulled away his face was red and he was looking at me expectantly. I just gave an uneasy smile.

What was I supposed to do?

I giggled nervously and covered my growing blush, I was human too.

"H-Harry! ..What was that for..?" I knew. But I stammered the stupid question out anyway.

"Well.. Ever since Cho.. Well.. Erm.. I know you liked me a long time ago.. But.. I..I like you Ginny." He looked like a man who was in pain. A pang of sympathy and panic hit me, panic that rose in my stomach and turned to fear.

My thoughts turned towards Hermione's explanation and it made sense, Harry had nothing really. Just his friends. But he had nothing /special/.. No one to confide in that understood. No one to comfort him with intimacy. No one to tell him it would be okay and promise it with a kiss.

I understood.

I still had nightmares about Tom Riddle every night. Dreams that are /so/ /real/ I wake up crying and sweating, still feeling the remnants of my soul draining away. I can still hear the sound of the basilisk.. The haunting lullaby of it's hiss echoing from the marble walls of my watery tomb..

Did Harry have dreams? Did Harry wake up screaming, alone?

Did he still wake up covered in sweat, the feelings of Voldemort's hand still on his throat? Cedric lying dead and cold someone in his peripherals, knowing no one could save him?

No, I understood all too well.

Harry had to fight alone, it was his destiny. But.. Hermione's thoughts are that Harry didn't have to be /completely/ alone. My chest tightened, and, even if it hurt me, I wasn't going to let him suffer on his own anymore.

"I.. Like you too, Harry." I was almost convinced.

* * *

Everyone was already whispering as we walked into the great hall, side by side, holding hands. Harry and I, as a couple. When we sat, I looked at confident and I sat straight but I wasn't really looking at anyone directly. Especially Hermione.

I couldn't.

But I'd explain later.. I just hoped she would be as happy as she told me she would.

Harry was smiling and red as he confirmed rumors and talked to Ron and Hermione. He acted humble, saying things like, "it was nothing.." and "It just happened.."

I felt sick.

"Ginny." My sight blurred.. "..Ginny." My stomach cramped.. "Ginny!" -- My attention snapped back to the voice, it was Hermione. I gave her a questioning grunt as a reply and she smiled."I just congratulated you." Her voice was steady, and I tried so hard to see passed the mask.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks 'Mione." I managed, going to my untouched plate to stop all conversation to me. But the noise continued to buzz around..

I don't remember what happened after that, my mind had turned to autopilot and I cruised through Dinner and the nightly announcements, without so much as a inkling as what was happening.

That night I didn't stop in the common room, even though they were all trying to get my attention. I just went upstairs, cried in the shower and curled up in my bunk. No one came up for almost two hours before soft padding of footsteps could be heard, then a weight on the end of my bed."Ginny.. Are you alright..?" Quiet concern, a soft warm voice, a comforting hand on my. I stayed quiet, for once.. Just wanting her to go away.

So this wouldn't be so hard.

I was such a coward. I was so sure.. That I was doing the right thing.. But.. Now..

She leaned down and kissed the part of my cheek that was showing, and I stiffened in surprise. She smiled, her soft lips making my skin tingle.

"You are so brave.. " Her quiet low murmur was full of love, her soft tones a melody that broke through the chaos in my brain. The only thing that made sense. She pulled back my blanket and crawled in behind me, pressing her warm body against mine, her full breasts against my back.

"I love you, Ginny." Her fingers slid their way between my thighs, her lips finding my shoulder and neck, "I love you."

"..'Mione..?" I questioned into the dark. I was startled, I was dating Harry… what was she.. Ah. My mind was wiped clean of protests as her fingers, her lovely, magical fingers found their way passed my underwear.

I called out her name in a different way.

* * *

It wasn't a week before my life fell into a routine.

During the day it was night.. Hermione.

My relationship with Harry was much like it had always been, besides the odd shy kiss from Harry. Often, I hung out with him, Ron and Hermione, but on warm days we would go and sit by the lake, his head on my lap, and my fingers in his unruly mop of hair. Just talking, or sitting in a comfortable silence. Slowly, I worked my way into his exclusive circle of trust, and he told me everything. His hopes, his dreams, his fears and his wishes. A part of my heart was just for him, and I listened wholly. Because I knew I was the only person in his world that he trusted completely. And it was only between me and him, I didn't even tell Hermione about things we talked about, I didn't tell her that sometimes the things he said worried me, how he often dreamed of death and his thoughts were grim and dark.

Because he knew he was going to die.

Night came too slowly when he was in these moods. Every depressed word he spoke installed more fear in me and I longed for Hermione's comforting arms. The hours seemed to stretch on, until I was exhausted and upset and I came to her straight from dinner, and she folded me into herself because she knew that my eyes read pain and desperation. Desperate, because I didn't know what to do.

I hugged myself and bit my lip until it bled, It was all I could do to stop the wrenching sobs that I knew would wrack my body, and I didn't want to wake Hermione.

"I don't know how to save him.." A hollow whisper into the dark, answered by the screaming silence in my ears.

* * *

Sorry if it seems short.  
It always frustrates me how 5 pages in word is like.. half a page on here.

Let me know what you think, I love your reviews. =)


	7. Almostwinter

Another update. =)  
Stayed home from school and was in the mood.

Sorry it's short.

enjoy.

they don't belong to me

* * *

I took to walking the grounds alone sometimes. Sometimes I'd visit Hagrid on the way, but other times I sat by the green houses and studied quietly, or lost myself in thought. This time of year hinted at winter, but there were still bright leaves that stubbornly cling to their branches, not quite ready to surrender to death. Still, the wind was winter-nippy and I was getting increasingly frustrated having to tuck my long hair away in my hood.

Lately, things have been tense. There was a underlying sense of gloom that hung under the professor's moods and words. Things were quieter. Everyone seemed to be acting strangely and I couldn't help the feeling of uneasiness that had found residence in my belly. Harry, especially worried me. He had become more and more obsessed with that git Malfoy. Every word Harry spoke was about how he figured the ferret was up to something. At first I believed him, now.. It had become tiresome. Still, I pretended I cared, so that he would not feel alone about it. Ron and Hermione had already shown their disbelief and refused to listen. So I kept my thoughts to myself, for his sake. In a way I was relieved, because his new found obsession distracted him from darker thoughts, and in turn, stopped him from haunting me with them.

These are things I thought about when I was alone. Harry, tension, obsession, the cold, and.. Hermione. Most of all Hermione. I know it may have came off like she has been pushed aside in my affairs within these last few months. And that being with her hasn't been a big deal.. But it is. The reason Harry has been a big subject is because it's easy to tell how I feel with him. Black and white. Fear and comfort. With Hermione.. I have so many different thoughts and feelings and have had so many happy memories that I never know where to start.. Before my secret feelings had been driving me insane.. Breaking me. But now, my head is so clear. And my heart is no longer aching. I feel like, I know this is such a cliché.. But I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. Hermione lifted it from me, and freed me. And I love her more than I ever have. And I am so grateful for just being able to.. Lay with her. To see the unguarded smile she only gives me. Even if it is to only happen at night, away from prying eyes. We've jumped from one secret to another, but it's okay.

Because we're together.

I turned my head as I heard approaching footsteps, light and slow. She filled my sight and a smile instantly found its way to my face.

"There.. Now you don't look so lonely." Her voice was soft and teasing and I made room for her as she sat down beside me, her side pressed against mine. I didn't reply to her, but I didn't have to. I just rested my head on her shoulder, thanking Merlin for this chance to be alone with her.

Hermione was one of those people that you didn't have to talk to. When her and I are together.. We could sit together for and hour, quiet and just holding each other, and we could walk away feeling like we had just shared the best conversation we had ever had.

So as we sat there in silence, my uneasiness melted and I closed my eyes. Her hand shifted and found mine, soft tanned fingers linking with my smaller pale-and-freckled ones. I squeezed. She looked over and her beautiful brown eyes held a particularly intense look that was oh-so familiar. I was going to be ravished tonight.

I couldn't wait.

* * *

We bathed together in the prefects bathroom afterward, scrubbing ourselves, clumsy and tired. We had exhausted ourselves in our glorious love making. I could feel the silly, tired but happy grin on my face as we held each other in the steaming water. We giggled at stupid things and splashed each other. Even Hermione dropping her dignity to sleepiness and laughter. Soon after we dried each other and quietly made our way to her private quarters in the prefect dormitories, the Gryffindor common room being too far and we were about to pass out any moment. As we stumbled in the dark to the bed I felt her wrap her arms around me and we tumbled onto the mattress together.

"I love you, Ginny." I replied with a kiss and a nudge of my nose into the crook of her neck, feeling her wrap herself around me and taking me into the center of her world.

Soon, we curled up together in the warm sheets and fell into a deep sleep, content and feeling loved.

* * *

There is one thing I know I will never forget about Hogwarts.

It wasn't the lessons, the spells, the friendships.. But the smell of Hermione in the early hours of the morning. When I was asleep in her bed and her chest rose and fell and the smell of her.. Relaxation, peace, love.. Of vanilla.. Or cookies. That smell that's hard to describe. Like waking up Christmas morning to your mother's secret recipe filling your head with a buzzing sweetness that makes you sigh and think, "Yes, this is happiness"

That was Hermione.

And that's what I'll always remember.

* * *

=)  
Let me know what you think.


	8. Come closer, baby Please

My foot is cramping. Blegh.

Anyway, Christmas soon..

=)

they don't belong to me.

* * *

It was the first snowfall. And of course you could find me, Ron, Harry and the others having our first (and definitely not our last) snow ball fight of the year. Hermione even joined in on our play. Which I enjoyed, even if I had to hear her complain about how she should have been studying.

Harry acted the perfect part of my knight in shining armor, taking hits for me and throwing at those who threatened me. Merlin, was he surprised when a particularly large snowball smashed apart on the back of his head was mine. Priceless.

Later on, we all crowded into the Great Hall for lunch, It was louder than usual. All the buzz of excitement and laughter and reencounterings of who hit who and who threw what made my ears ring. We were red-faced. Soaked to the bone and freezing. And we couldn't have been happier. Even the professor's tension was seemingly eased slightly. But I noticed Harry's attention was elsewhere, he was visibly distracted, looking across the room at a spot he often looked these days.

Draco wasn't there.

I knew where Harry was going as he slipped from the table and snuck off. I hoped all this obsession paid off one day, or it'll be Harry who's left looking like a fool again. Much worse knowing we all knew was the whole time. I wasn't sure if he could take that kind of humiliation again.. It was enough with the Cedric incident.. Then Sirius.. I couldn't stand to watch him suffer anymore. I knew Hermione felt the same way. It was something we discussed when we were lying together. I knew she worried more than I did. My worry.. Was worry for him.. Definitely.. But more so than that.. Worry for her, worrying about him. She gets so upset about it sometimes and I can't do much but hug her and tell her I'll take care of him. I promise her and kiss her. That's all I can do.

But I'm afraid.. They're promises I'm not sure I can keep.

I tried to distract myself by sliding over to sit by her. My thigh pressed ever-so-slightly against hers. Innocently, of course. Even just this contact with her calmed my nerves and my dark thoughts and I thanked whatever mysterious healing powers she had over me. After that, I easily fell into the stride of the conversation, a smile on both our faces as our fingers linked secretly under the table, away from prying eyes.

* * *

Her fingers were tender as she ran them through my long orange-copper hair, water spraying onto the tile to mix in with the rest that was leaving our bodies. She ran the shampoo through a few times, making sure to coat and make a froth on every stand. She was very thorough. I sat quietly, eyes closed with a soft smile on my face, her fingers on my scalp sent tingles down my rib cage and thighs and I gave a sigh on contentment to show her my appreciation."Your hair is so beautiful. Not quite as red as Ron's.. more.. Sienna.. Like autumn. You remind me of Autumn." she gave a tinkling laugh and rinsed out the suds before working to coat the locks in a formula she had made just for me, like Muggle conditioner, except it worked tenfold. Making my hair soft and shiny. It never got tangled now and only minimal knots appeared after a Quiddich match. It made me feel special to know she worked hard on it just for me, and took pleasure in applying it herself.

Because I was hers. And she always took exceptional care of her belongings.

I helped her wash her back and left little wet kisses down her shoulders, more things to show my appreciation. We weren't feeling sexual. Just intimate. And slow. And tender. Our movements weren't rushed and we let the water just wash over us. After a good half hour she left, needing to study. She had had enough of being distracted. I didn't blame her, she had been acting out of character enough by putting off studying for an important test for a whole day. I smiled to myself at the thoughts that she put aside these things for more time with me. A thing I would never have imagined a short two months ago.

As I dried myself and dress I came to the realization that I saw Hermione in everything now. More so than before. Because I was intimately linked with her now. The beauty of ordinary things reminded me of her.

A flower on the nightstand. Hermione.

Flakes of snow hitting softly against the window without a sound. Hermione.

The look of a made bed, perfectly organized books. Hermione.

A crop circle in the carpet. Hermione.

The fact that almost everything in my everyday life had an aspect of her being made me love her so much more. I could never go back to not being able to touch her, or smell her hair, or hear the sound of her content sigh after a satisfying round of love. I knew now that I needed her more than I ever have. And for one, I was confident that she needed me too.

* * *

As winter progressed, Professor Dumbledore had started taking Harry away. It grew more and more frequent, and it seemed the more this happened the more I was shoved to the side and kept out of the loop. Even Hermione wouldn't talk to me about it. I knew she knew. As did Ron. Harry wouldn't talk to me. He was always too tired and he mostly stuck with Hermione and Ron, and they were always whispering secrets, so I eventually learned not to come around if I wanted to avoid a sudden awkward silence when I appeared in front of hurt me, but my mask hadn't disappeared completely and soon I began putting up my tough front again, practicing Quiddich and hanging out with Dean, Seamus, Lavender and Pavarti. Old friends from a seemingly old life. I always had fears that this whole thing was too good to be true.. But I had almost gotten over it.

Almost.

But I wouldn't let myself break apart at the sudden coldness, or the secrets. I was too stubborn for that. I am a Weasley after all.

What worried me the most however, is how antsy the professors were getting again, especially Snape. He was more unpleasant than usual and he stopped eating in the Great Hall with the other professors. It made me uneasy to the point where I couldn't eat anymore, the stress was unbearable. I wish I had Hermione's magic touches now. But she was at Hagrid's hut with Harry and Ron. Even though Hagrid had been taken to Azkaban at the beginning of the year..

My stomach cramped and I retired from lunch early, deciding to skip the rest of my classes to nap. I cast a quick no dreaming spell, so I could fall asleep without thought. So I didn't linger on where Hermione was now. And why she wouldn't confide in me to know. Also.. so I didn't think of Voldemort.. And how I had creeping suspicions that he would soon rear his ugly head. I was terrified that this was what this was about. But I didn't know for sure.. there was only one thing I did know..

I knew this was bigger than me. I hope Harry could handle whatever it was without another loss.

But what you hope for isn't usually what happens.

* * *

I apologize if the timelines aren't matching up or whatever.  
I haven't read the book for awhile and whatnot.

Enjoy, heartlings.


	9. I never meant to die

Wow, an update after what?

2 years?

Well, whatever.

they belong to JKR

* * *

That night, Hermione didn't come back to the dormitories. I found myself lying on top of the covers of my bed, staring at the ceiling. The anxious knot that had been growing in my stomach for the last couple of weeks tightened even more and I tried to convince myself she had just fallen asleep in the prefect's room. Though as I tried I couldn't help but take her absence personally. It was the same with Harry… As he became more and more obsessed with Draco, I often got pushed to the side. He hadn't even been going to Hogsmeade anymore because Draco wasn't.

I couldn't shake the feeling that something awful was about to happen as I got up and went to go sit in the common room by the fire, a portrait looked at me with half disapproval and half concern as I softly padded by him. A half an hour passed as I stared at the fire just to fucking forget it all, before there was a sound in the silence, and then suddenly all hell broke loose.

The common room buzzed with panic and the sound of booming and shattering glass from the castle beyond. I found myself, along with the other students looking frightfully at the forced calm face of Professor McGonagall explaining carefully to us to remain calm. I heard a shrill cackle and I looked at Neville with panic as we both recognized the sound of Death Eater Bellatrix LeStrange. This was bad. I instantly felt sick, where was Hermione? What if she wasn't in a position to defend herself? I had to do something. I muttered under my breath "_accio_ wand" and gripped it tightly when it whistled into my hand discreetly.

As Professor McGonagall left the head boy and girl in charge I walked to the portrait, nobody noticed me among the chaos. As a face the portraitI knew the fat lady would refuse entry to exit to anyone so I did what I had to do. Lifting my wand I pointed it at her face.

"_Confundo!"_ The fat lady looked at me blankly for a second before she registered what was going on.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me… Pass, pass." She smiled as the door swung open and I slipped through. As soon as she closed I pointed my wand again.

"_Cave Inimicum." _ Hermione had taught me that one, in case I ever needed it. Now that I knew the common room was safe I ran down the hallway as quickly as I dared without losing my ability to protect myself and went to the prefects area. I searched frantically as I let myself in and she was nowhere to be seen. I mentally berated myself as I realized that the thought of protecting her friends would have caused her to do the same thing I was doing now. I ran back into the hall and heard stone explode somewhere to my left, as I spun around I narrowly missed a curse that I could have only guessed was a deadly one.

"_Stupify!_" as soon as the spell left my wand I dove for the rubble and crawled to some cover, ducking a curse that flew over my head. As soon as I felt like I was out of sight I got up and ran, turning a corner a bumped right into a cloaked figure who instantly shoved me to the floor.

I tried to think fast... "_Reduc-"_

But he was faster. "_Crucio!"_

_My mind went blank as excruciating pain shocked my whole being. My back arched and my arms and legs seized and tightened as my mouth opened wide to produce a strangled sound of agony. Seconds felt like hours as a jerked and twitched, the only coherent thought I had was the vision of those hazel eyes. My wand fell from my hand, the last resistance I had was gone, as I felt my mind breaking...  
_

And then there was nothing. I lay panting in the dirt, chest heaving and looked around. My eyesight was blurry with tears and all I could make out was a dark figure with shoulder length black hair looking at me for a brief moment before he stepped over the unconscious body of my attacker and heading briskly to the Astronomy tower staircase. I watched him disappear before I slipped into darkness.

* * *

A series of nightmares, the last ending with Tom Riddle standing over Hermione's lifeless body, woke me from a dead sleep. The first thing I noticed was the brightness behind my eyelids and the second was the stiffness of a bed that wasn't my own. I opened my eyes to see it was morning in the infirmary and I was alone. I sat up shakily and felt sore all over. _Damn it..._

As my head started to clear I started to remember. A shiver of hatred ran through me as I thought back on the death eater who used an unforgivable curse on me. But then I knew what they were capable of. And then...

_Hermione._

I jumped off the bed and ran from the infirmary, I had to see her. However I soon saw that something wasn't right, aside from the rubble still being cleaned there was something in the air. Misery. Silence. Something happened. Someone died. I knew it.

I had to find Hermione.

I ran for the Gryffindor tower and entered through the portrait. I didn't see her, and other students sad in solemn silence barely doing a thing. I panicked and ran upstairs, no one. I wheeled around and headed to the next place I thought she would be, Hagrid's.

I saw the three of them sitting on a short stone wall outside of Hagrid's hut, but I stopped when I saw Harry's expression. He was stone faced and angry, Hermione was sitting next to him with her hand on his thigh and Ron was beside her, arm over her shoulders. I hesitantly approached them.

"Harry... Are you alright?" I said in a gentle and careful tone. Ron glared at me and snapped,

"Of course he's not." Hermione elbowed him lightly and gave him her usual scolding look but stayed in his embrace.

"Harry witnessed Dumbledore's death last night..." She said with a watery but patient voice, but before I could react Harry's head snapped up to look at me, green eyes bright with tears.

"He was murdered… Snape murdered him!"

I felt the blood rush to my head as the flashback of the blurry black clad figure rushing to the astronomy tower flashed to my mind. _Snape._


	10. Never a thief

Dumbledore's funeral was on a gloomy day. Silence filled grounds as everyone sat outside by the great lake. A silence that was broken by quiet sniffs and heartbreaking sobs. No one spoke except for those saying speeches with solemn and nostalgic voices. I felt my eyes prickling as the professors talked about Dumbledore and told stories I had never heard. Their voices were watery as they talked about their happy memories with the great man who was stolen from them. From us.

I sniffed and rubbed my nose with my wrist. I was sitting beside Harry, who was glaring at the ground with tears in his eyes, fists clenched. Hermione sat beside him and Ron beside her, their sides were touching as they sat and silent tears ran down her face. As impossible as it sounded she looked even more beautiful when she cried, but in an aching, painful way because I never wanted to see her cry. I wished I could be the one to whom her side was pressed. I needed that comfort too. But she seemed to be avoiding my glances. So all I could do was watch helplessly as life as we knew it ended.

After the service Harry and I sat in our seats as conversations started and people got to their feet.

"Ginny, listen.." he said very quietly, his eyes hidden by the fringe of his hair, " I can't be involved with you anymore. We've got to stop seeing... we can't be together."

I felt myself smile, but it felt twisted, more of a grimace. "It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?"

"It's been like...like something out of someone else's life, these last few weeks with you," said Harry, looking up at me, "But I can't...we can't...I've got things to do alone now."

I didn't cry, although I felt like it. I knew he wouldn't be alone, wherever he'd be Ron and Hermione would go with him. I knew this day would come, the day I would have to face the reality that Hermione would leave to help Harry protect the Wizarding world and I... I would be left behind. I gave a light laugh, "I knew you wouldn't be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort…"

The rest of our conversation was spent in autopilot, when I finally focused on what I was doing I was sitting on my bed, staring at the floor. My body had this strange buzzing numbness that started in my chest and spread out until my fingers and toes.

I didn't even look up as someone entered the room and walked to stand in front of me, I recognized the shoes and the perfect shins.

"Ginny.. We need to talk." She said her voice controlled carefully as not to betray emotion. I nod quietly and force myself to look up at her, to look in her hazel eyes knowing what she was going to say.

"We can't.. We cannot see each other romantically anymore. All of this.. All of this has made me realize that this silliness... has to be stopped. It is time for seriousness and I can't be serious when I'm playing out a fantasy with you.. I fantasy that can never be real."

Her deliverance was calm and forceful. Like she was trying to really make me believe what she said was really what she felt. I found myself clenching the blanket as I let it all sink in.

_Silliness._

The numbness was overtaken by a steadily growing ache in my chest. Why does she have to be so _fucking_ difficult?

"I..." I couldn't speak so I just swallowed down the lump in my throat and nodded.

She extended her hand in a professional way, "Friends?"

"Friends." And I shook her hand with the last bit of will I had.

She walked away without a look back, and I didn't see her as she stood at the top of the stairs and gave a sob, wiping tears from her eyes before she forced herself to continue down the stairs and away from the source of her greatest happiness.

I lay down on the bed and tried to swallow down the painful lump in my throat, but I didn't cry. For being dumped twice in one day… I was handling it pretty well.

* * *

I was serving my last detention with Professor McGonagall in her office, helping her pack up her spare pieces of parchment and cleaning up the floor. I had been serving detention ever since my risky escape from the Gryffindor tower the night of the attack and was sort of sad this was the last. I had grown close to the serious professor and we had often got into talking. She had become one of my comforts as the school year drew to a close.

She read a letter and shook her head with disapproval. I could tell she had started to become upset and looked at her with question.

"Severus.. Professor Snape has been given the title of Headmaster. How despicable... These are dangerous times Miss Weasley and I am afraid.. War is inevitable."

"Being around Harry.. That's something I've been afraid of for a while. He knows too.. The time has come. I think.. Professor Dumbledore might have told him something, something important before he.. And I think it drives Harry now. I feel his need for action. I just wish there was something I can do than just support him."

"Well I think there is, our students should be prepared the best they can, as I am sure Defense Against the Dark Arts will be of little help..." She gave me a pointed look, hinting at something.

I nodded as a sense of responsibility flowed through me. Yes, something I could do to help the resistance and do my part. To do as much as a possibly can to support Harry... And Hermione.

Dumbledore's Army.

But first there was something else that needed to be done. With Snape coming into authority over the castle there was some things that should not be allowed to fall into Death Eater hands. One thing in particular, the sword of Gryffindor. If I could take it from the headmaster's office I could keep it hidden in the Room of Requirement in case one day Harry needed it. So I knew what I had to do and that night I set my plan into motion.

"_Lumos._" I muttered in the dark corridor, keeping my wand low as it shone to life. I walked as quickly as I dared to the griffin statue that marked the hidden stare case up to the Headmaster's office. Earlier I had questioned Professor McGonagall on the possible passwords, and one in particular she had given me her usual hinting look. And so I stood before the griffin and calmly pronounced:

"Ton-Tongue Toffee" I waited nervously until relief flooded through me as the gargoyle leapt to the side. I quickly climbed the stairs as they escalated upward and found myself in a room that was very much Dumbledore. I had never been in this place before, but it was exactly how I imagined it would be. But now is not the time to think of that. I scanned the room for the sword and saw a portrait of Professor Dumbledore watching me; he appeared to wink before closing his eyes to sleep. I walked up to an empty stand that was just the right length for the sword to fit, but it was empty. _Damn it. _I tried to hope that Dumbledore had sent it somewhere safe and not that the Death Eaters had looted his office already. My body stiffened and my thoughts were cut short as I heard the staircase start to rise and the sickeningly familiar monotone drawl echo from below. I panicked and dove under the desk, searching frantically for a better place to hide but was turning up short. I knew exactly when he hit the top of the stairs and entered the office, his voice was clear but from where I was crouched I couldn't see him, or whom he was talking to.

I could feel my legs cramping as I crouched, but I refused to shift and give away my position. I just hope Snape didn't want to sit down. Thankfully, luck was on my side as he quickly bottled up memories from Professor Dumbledore's pensive and left the office, his cloak whipping around like an enraged bat. As soon as I could no longer hear him I snuck out of the room as fast as I could without running, and didn't stop until I was safely in the Gryffindor common room.


End file.
